My regrets
by AJSan17
Summary: Asuna thinks about her regrets. Thinks about them...while Kazume gets married


I rubbed my hands together regretting not taking my gloves with me. That's when I saw them, my SAO friends walking together going somewhere. I stared at them, wondering why that they didn't invite me. I looked closer and realized Kazuto/Kirito wasn't with them. I ran to catch up to them.

"Hey." I greeted when I finally reached them. The all turned around and I could see their eyes fill with worry and fear,

"Oh, Asuna. What are you doing here?" Rika/Lisbeth asked nervously rubbing the back of her neck.

"Shopping." What are they up to? " What about you? Where are you going?"

"We're just going to see something. Speaking of which we better hurry or we are going to miss it." Suguah answered looking at her watch.

"Can I come?" I asked and watched as panic ran through their faces.

"Um, I don't think you should." Ryōtarō/ Klein answered. I took a step back, I was hurt. They didn't want to hang out with me.

"It's not like that!" Andrew/Agil quickly added seeing the look on my face. "It's for your own go."

"Guys we really have to go." Suguah stressed.

"I'll decide what's good for me. I'm coming." I was stubborn and they knew that the weren't going to persuade me.

" Fine, but don't blame us then." Shino/sinon said and quickly began to walk away.

When we finally reached our destination everyone hunched over and hid behind some bushes.

I looked around to see some more people hiding.

"What is going on? I asked and was quickly met with a bunch of shushes. Then Rika pointed to a white gazebo, and since it was Christmas Eve it was decorated with white lights. Along with the trees surrounding it. Then I saw him, Kazuto, leaning against the pillar inside, breathing into his hands to warm them. Then I saw her, the blonde in a black pea coat. She ran up the steps to meet Kazuto. There was a quick greeting with a kiss and few minutes of small talk. I watched as Katuto slid off the girls gloves. The blonde stared at him, confused but then Kazuto got down on one knee. When he pulled out that tiny black box my heart stopped. I watched the girl go into shock then begin crying nodding her head yes. Kazuto jumped up and quickly captured the girls lips. That's when everyone stood up and began clapping. The couple looked around in surprise. Kazuto laughed shaking his head.

Everyone quickly left and headed to the Dicey Cafe.

I stood awkwardly talking to Keiko/ Silica about nothing with a glass of champagne. I looked around and saw a bunch of Kazuto and Ki-nam's friends from college and work. That's where the now engaged couple met. Kazuto and I had broken up freshman year of college because of the pressure my mother was putting me under. As soon as we broke up my mom had me engaged, so there was no going back. I had accepted my fate. So sophomore year Kazuto and Ki-nam met through one of his friends. Then they started dating. When I had heard I cried for a week. I refused to get out of bed. I refused to eat or shower. All I did was cry. But that was all I could do. I was engaged. I couldn't take him back.

"Asuna." Shino's voice tore me from my thoughts of my regrets.

"yeah?" I asked as she looked straight into my eyes, reading me.

"I think you should go home." She said with a small smile. I nodded in agreement.

"Hey." I greeted as I walked up to Ki-nam. "Congratulations." I said with a fake smile. I hated her, I hated her with every fiber of my being. I hated myself for hating her. She was so nice, and held no grudge. Treated me like a friend even though she knew me and her fiance dated and loved each other like no other. She should hate me, she should try to get me as far away from Kazuto as possible but she didn't.

"Aw, are you leaving already? Stay for a little longer. The party has just begun." She said, genuinely trying to get me to stay. God, how I hate her.

"I can't. I have a few last minute things to buy." I replied, holding the venom from seeping into my words. She pouted then nodded.

"Okay, bye. Thanks for coming." I nodded in response then started to walk towards Kazuto who sat at the bar with Ryōtarō/Klein,Andrew/Agil and a few other guys he befriended in college and work.

"So, I'm going to be groomsmen right?" Ryōtarō asked. Kazuto shook his head, "Aw man why not?!" He whined. I could see Kazuto smirk into his cup of beer.

"Because you're going to be my best man." Kazuto shook his head as his best man jumped up with glee.

I was about to reach the bar when Suguha ran passed her.

"Ki-nam just told me I'm her maid of honor." The girl told her brother excitedly. Of course she would be the maid of honor. Ki-nam and her had became instant friends and Suguha had already been calling her sister-in law. It irradiated me, she use to call me that.

"Yeah?" Kazuto laughed. Then he saw me. "Asuna, hey." He greeted. There was still a small bit of awkwardness between us, so me being here threw him off. I couldn't blame him. His ex-girlfriend showing up to his engagement party was awkward especially considering our circumstance. We still loved each other.

"Hey, I have to go. So, congratulations." I said

"Thanks." He answered with a smile that showed how happy he was. If only I could be that happy. I smiled then left.

...

It was a year later and I laid in bed staring at my clock. It told me it was nine thirty and the wedding was at eleven. I sighed and sat up.I looked at the side of the bed my husband slept in. It was empty, he was away on a business meeting. Which meant I had to go to the wedding by myself.

"Of course. I'm always by myself." I wasn't alone when I was with Kazuto. I walked into the bathroom and searched for my hidden birth control pills. I was hoping that if Kwuang-su thought that I was infertile and couldn't give him an heir, he would leave me.

I stood there looking at myself in the mirror.

"No!" I groaned at the sight of my swollen eyes. It was obvious that I cried all night.

"I can't go looking like this!" I cried. Ki-nam's family knew my family.

Ki-nam's family was just like mine. We both came from high society families. But there was one difference Ki-nam did not let her family control her life.

We were the same age and we attended the same parties but we never spoke. We were to busy talking to the boys that our mothers were throwing at us. But then when we were both seventeen she disappeared. I didn't know much at the time but everyone was talking about how she ran away and how she was a disgrace to her family. It wasn't till I met her at our freshmen orientation that I got the full story.

She refused to live the life her parents were forcing her to, she refused to live the rest of her life miserable. So she took her clothes and all of the money she had on her and left.

She had lived on the streets for a few days, asking for spare change. Then an elderly women took her in. Ki-nam had refused to take advantage of the women and worked three jobs. So she could pay for school and gave the rest to the lady for letting her live there then after a year or so her family took her in again, letting her live her life.

"They supported her." I whispered to my reflection. Her family supported her and let her live her own life.

"As long he's happy." I told my self.

"He's happy."

"He's happy"

"He's happy."

"He's happy."

"I'm not happy."

"I'm not happy."

"I'll never be happy."That's when I decided to get ready. I walked towards the overly sized bathtub and while I waited for it to fill up I went to my desk and grabbed a piece of paper and put it on the side of the tub. I quickly got undressed and stepped into the hot water. I sat down I reached for my razor and began to take it apart.

"I'll never be happy." I whispered, then dug the razor into my skin and pulled down. Splitting open a vein. I repeated the process with my other arm. I felt myself become weak as I shifted to the side of the tub where the paper laid. I dipped my finger into my blood and wrote on the note with my blood.

_I blame you. You did this to me ,mom_

Then I went under letting myself float underwater as my life drained away, dyeing the water red.


End file.
